What happened when we meditated for 200 days and counting during the lockdown?

 Just about three weeks into the lockdown my close friend Rhishi and I decided to sit for one hour everyday and practice Vipassana meditation. He is based in the US and I am in India, so doing it over a call with a recording of official instructions playing seemed like the way to go. At that time, we certainly didn't think that we would continue this each and every day for next 200 days and counting! (Well I think I missed 3 days in 200) . Now it has become a part of us, something like having a meal or taking a bath  - and it seems to have a profound and lasting impact on our lives. All of this impact is internal and not easy to describe, but I must make an attempt to express, because it can go a long way in touching lives of others - those of you who have done a 10 day Vipassana course and currently not meditating regularly or those of you who have been thinking of doing it but do not know what impact it will really have in the long term.

I did my first 10-day Vipassana course in  Dec of 2012. It had a huge impact on me during those 10 days and also later. I described how exactly Vipassana works and what impact those 10 days had on me in a blog I wrote in Jan 2013. Since then I have done three 10-day courses. Every time I have done a 10-day course, the impact has been as profound, if not more, as my first 10 day course - my faith in the technique never dwindled therefore. I was also practicing Vipassana regularly at home after each of these courses for a couple of months or so. But my practice would drop to 2-4 days in a week post that and sometimes even have phases of no practice for several weeks or even months and coming back to it only when I felt emotionally disturbed by some event etc.  If you are like me, who has done a 10-day course but don't practice everyday consistently, then this blog is especially for you.

So what has really changed after practicing everyday for 200 days and counting? A lot!

But first, what has not. My first reaction to most incidents has not altered much at all. Kids not behaving as per my expectations, I still get annoyed and raise my voice. Sudden, unexpected events, I still feel the shock, or frustration or aversion etc. What really has changed is the speed with us the turmoil disappears! All without doing anything actively I do in that moment. I get angry, almost as much as often earlier, but the simmering feeling inside, if it lasted half an hour earlier, would like just a minute now - and automatically! Some examples won't harm.

The other day, my specs broke while in hurry for some important work. Disturbed, I said something to my wife about she not doing something I asked her to do, in relation to the specs, to which she replied "No, this never happened". My first reaction, like every time when something think I clearly happened being denied was the same "No, it did!" and then I went on to describe when and where exact it happened. In past, in absence of her agreement, I would get into this repeat mode as if the most important thing is "for me to be proven right". I would have made more drama like making an appeal in a dramatized soft voice, almost pleading that it really happened, but something instantly subsided in those 2 minutes. It was internal, and it was automatic, and it was substantial. Can't describe it more. I peacefully said ok, moved on to the important work, without anything simmering within. As I was going out I noticed my younger kid saying something cute to my older one, and his words and smile melted away whatever little was remaining about "wanting to be prove myself right". 

At work, an incident happened due to some technical glitch, because of which our business was exposed to an unexplored situation - not a huge loss, but several high value transactions needed to be done to mitigate the impact of the glitch. The impact lasted for over 10 days, where more goof-ups happened one after another - I was able to keep my composure through all of this. Kept the stakeholders informed, and did not lie about anything to anyone. And it just passed without any significant lasting impact. Again, there were moments of shock, but the turmoil within literally lasted for only minutes every time. 

Many such incidents happen during my regular day. Something unexpected happens, my first reaction is almost the same as earlier. But the sensations accompanying my reaction automatically subside in much shorter time than they would earlier, and without those sensations, it is not possible to continue carrying the reaction further. Mind comes back to balance and then instead of reacting - I start acting. The best part is that all of this happens by itself!

Another continuous impact is an enhanced ability to observe sensations within me as well as events happening around me. Most of the time, I am lost in thoughts often oblivious of what is happening around me. Now along with this thought process, there is this strong "observation process" running, that lets me be in present, enjoy the little joys of life and be with the family. Multi-tasking is not my thing, but because of this strong observation process going on naturally, I think am beginning to do more at once. 

Now why do I relate all of this to my daily Vipassana practice? Well because, this is how Vipassana works. Every day when we sit for an hour of meditation, all that we do is to observe all the sensations in the body. And only observe them objectively - as if the observer is detached from the one who is experiencing the sensations. So if pain is felt - know it fully, but don't be averse to it, just observe it and see how long it lasts or if some soothing sensation appears -  don't crave for it to enhance or continue , but just observe how it is changing and how long it lasts. This alters the behavior pattern of our subconscious mind. For ages, it has only been reacting and reacting. And has become weak in observing as things as they really are. Every sensation has one common characteristic - it arises, and sooner of later passes away. It arises, just to pass away. Once our mind realized this reality - not through some intellectual learning but through direct experience every day, that is when its habit pattern changes  deep within. That is the path I and my friend have living each day, and will continue to do so. 

May you find the inspiration and courage to pursue this noble path and may you free yourself, layer by layer, from your miseries, and may you be peaceful, be happy! 

Be Happy!

How I got engulfed in a revolution between two cricket world cups

On 2^nd April 2011, when India defeated Sri Lanka in the cricket world cup, I was just outside the Wankhede Stadium with a couple of friends as I experienced a deluge of patriotic emotions within me and in the sea of people in front of me. Being a die-hard Sachin fan, this win was extremely precious because this was his the last chance to win a world cup for India. I remember hugging random people on the street. Couldn’t stop shedding a tear or two. Today, as we are just a couple of days before another cricket world cup, I feel a déjà vu. Just a couple of days ago I was again hugging unknown people, and shed a few tears. But that has nothing to do with cricket.

Let me take you several steps back through my journey between the two world cups. It was just a couple of days after the last world cup when I was still in the hangover of the win. I was randomly surfing the TV channels. They were mostly covering the world cup victory celebrations. But I stopped at one channel showing one old man sitting on a “fast unto death”. The name Anna Hazare sounded familiar, but I wasn’t able to recollect when I had heard it before. I stayed on that channel for a few minutes. I noticed a young man with a moustache explaining to the crowd why this old man was sitting on a fast, “We are all sick of scams after scam by this government. There was CWG scam and then there was 2G and what not. Can we do anything as citizens of this country? Yes, we can! We have drafted a bill called Jan Lokpal bill. When we have a Jan lokpal in the country, any of us can go to him and complain. Janlokpal will send anyone who indulges in corruption to Jail. Anna Hazare has sent copies of this bill to the Prime Minister, the President and Sonia Gandhi. When they did not even bother to reply for months, he decided to do sit on a fast. Will you all join Anna Hazare in the demanding this bill against corruption from our country?”

As the days passed by, this fast became the talking point on all TV channels. I was glued to it. I found this man with moustache explaining everything in very lucid words. “We are not simply agitating for the sake of it. We are offering a solution. This bill that we have drafted is based on the original Lokpal bill pending for last 42 years. Why is government not passing it?” His name was Arvind Kejriwal. I googled about him and found him to be an IIT alumnus and a Magsaysay awardee. Frankly, discovering that someone is from IIT makes me feel “Arre, ye to apna hi hai.” :)

It is well known what happened after the fast. The government promised to make a joint committee to discuss and amend the bill, and then promised to pass it. But several months passed and it did not. Anna Hazare did another fast in Aug 2011. This time, somehow, the crowd that gathered on the Ramleela ground was even bigger. I really got drawn into it. My friends who were skeptics would tell me “Don’t be a fool. Corruption is ingrained in all of us. It can’t simply be wished away by a legislation.”

On one evening, when it was raining in Mumbai, I decided to go to the rooftop and get drenched in rain. As I was aimlessly doing rounds in the rain, words started coming to me. I had never written any kind of poetry in any language. But words just didn’t stop:

शायद भारत जागा है

वो कहते हैं, कुछ हुआ  नहीं, कुछ बना नहीं, कुछ मिटा नहीं।

सौ साल पुरानी आदत से, एक कागज़ बिलकुल बड़ा नहीं।

इस काली भारी धरती को, क्या टाँगे पतला धागा है?

पर जाने कयूँ ये लगता है, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

पहले भी आँधी आई  है, पहले भी तू्फाँ आया है।

किसे याद रहा, क्या हुआ  कहीं? किस ओर उजाला छाया है।  

एक अरब जगाने को मूरख, क्या खेल समझ तू भागा है?

ना जाने फिर क्यूँ लगता है, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

वो कहते हैं कोई और नहीं हम में ही रावण रहता है।

कैसे ये फिर तू सोच रहा, कानून के काबू आएगा ?

हर रावण में मुझे लगता है, कहीं राम भी बस कर रहता है।

वो उसके काबू आया  था, वो उसी के काबू आएगा।

चल कदम बढ़ा, कुछ ज़ोर लागा, अभी और बहुत कुछ बाकी है।

अब "चलता है" को जाने दे, "कुछ हुआ नहीं" को ताने दे।

अरे मान अगर कुछ ना बदला, तू खुद को बदल के देख ज़रा।

न गवा हाथ से ये मौका, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

माना ये रस्ता लंबा है, माना ये पूरा तोड़ नही।

पर क्यूँ ना अब कुछ अलग करें, अब क्यूँ ना हम विष्वास करें।

कया पता कि ये इतिहास कहीं, कोई आज  बदलने वाला है।

हो सकता है, जो दिल कहता, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

शायद भारत जागा है... हाँ  शायद भारत जागा है।

Basically I could feel that the nation has arisen. Whether lokpal comes or not, or whether it sends anyone to jail or not it did not matter now. When people in a democracy realize that they are being taken for a ride, they rise up and chart their own destiny.

The Jan Lokpal movement was not successful in pressuring the government to pass the bill. The core reason was that the current political class was neck deep into corruption itself. With advice of several eminent citizens and over 90% popular vote, it was decided to give India a new political alternative.

I jumped with joy. Not because I loved politics but because I hated it. I had never cast my vote until then, I was 32. I felt no one deserved my vote. This idea of a new political party filled with idealism reverberated deeply within me. I could finally cast my vote, I thought!

The party took shape and form in late 2012. It was named Aam Aadmi Party. The name struck a chord immediately. Being Aam Aadmi was the new cool. But most people were expecting nothing from this party, at least in the short term.  After all, it had taken decades for every other political party to taste some semblance of success.

But Arvind was in a hurry. Just as the party was launched Arvind started a series of “exposes”. First one to be exposed was Robert Vadra. Next week Nitin Gadkari. And the following week Mukesh Ambani. Every time he came prepared with solid dossiers of proofs of acts of corruption. These are the most powerful people in India. In India, everyone talks about them on their dining tables, but never in public. These people own the “system”. This courage of Arvind to take on the acts of corruption by the most powerful men, made me want to be like him. There was no looking back from then.

Media stopped covering AAP after this bravado, but I kept getting updates about them through AAP’s Facebook page. The Bijlee – Paani andolan of mid 2013 was a huge movement in Delhi. Arvind exposed corruption in Delhi electricity distribution companies and demanded their audit by CAG. He also exposed water tanker mafia being run by people connected with both Congress and the BJP. But media was completely gagged. AAP volunteers went to door-to-door educating people of Delhi about this corruption that affects them directly. They obtained signatures of ten lakh (1 million) people in Delhi. This is no mean feat. Where did they get such a ground strength to reach out to a whole city one by one?

This is the central point of what Arvind did. He inspired thousands of idealists across the nation by his honesty and fearlessness. He kept the single minded focus on systemic change which can be achieved only if an honest government comes in power. All of us idealists became AAP volunteers.

There is a lot that happened since I started actively volunteering for AAP, which will perhaps need multiple blogs to explain, but let me cut across to last two weeks before the 2015 Delhi elections when I was there campaigning on the ground.

I joined the team called play4change. We would go around the streets of Delhi playing and singing patriotic songs like “Ma tujhe salaam, Vande Mataram”, “Dil diya hai jaan bhi denge, ae watan tere liye”, “Raghupati raghav raja raam”, “Saare jahan se achcha, hindosata hamara” and others. I was either playing Harmonica (mouth organ) or singing. The atmosphere was electrifying. We would make eye contact with every citizen as we walked, and everyone would give back such a lovely smile. People came running, asked for caps, hugged us and wished us well.

I kept wondering how is it possible that at ten different locations of Delhi, every face shows a genuine smile and affection for us, while TV channels call it a “tight fight” between AAP and BJP.

On 10^th of Feb, it became clear that the tight fight was between the Congress and the BJP for the bottom spot, while people showered all their love on AAP. I was confident we would cross 50 seats, but 67 out of 70 was a pleasant shock. Thank you Delhi!

I didn't realize being completely engrossed in this movement that four years have passed and another Cricket  World Cup has arrived. May Indian cricket team also give us a pleasant shock by winning the upcoming cricket World Cup :-)

 

Days 1 to 4: An eye opener

What does an AAP volunteer do? What will I do? 

I have been asked these questions from the moment people learnt that I will be volunteering for Aam Aadmi Party in Mumbai for 100 days. "I don't know" has been my honest answer to both the questions thus far. As I spent 4 days exploring here and there, at least I am beginning to get some answer for the former question. The latter is still to be answered :-)

I met Mayank Gandhi who is driving the efforts from Mumbai with a Maharashtra focus. "Let's take an example of one Mumbai Loksabha constituency (out of 6). It typically has 6 assembly seats, each of them 6 wards and each of them 48 booths. If we have about 900 volunteers for each Loksabha seat dedicated to our door-to-door campaign, each house can be visited thrice in a span of 6 months. This is how we won Delhi elections, this is how we will win in Mumbai. " said Mayank with confidence. 

The door-to-door campaign is at the center of AAP's strategies. People have forgotten that they became the rulers of this country in 1947. It is appalling that people are surprised when a political party knocks their door and asks them "What can we do for you Sir?", and more so when they follow-up and update them with solutions to their problems in a localized manifesto. I hope this becomes a norm instead of "Here is a 1000 Rupee note, you bugger, better vote for me tomorrow."

There is a slew of other things happening on the ground like jan sabhas, raising voice against injustice, meeting slum dwellers and other groups of citizens. I am yet to meet people involved in those. 

The most interesting thing so far has been attending a "think tank" meeting of about 20 odd citizens, all with exemplary backgrounds - IIT, IIM alumni, business leaders, village evangelists, social entrepreneurs, various specialists etc. We discussed the issues that matter to the aam aadmi in Maharashtra and what solutions AAP can offer to them. We discussed infrastructure, housing, electricity, water, employement, inflation and others. People had ingenious ideas, amazing passion and remarkable sensitivity to the common man. The discussion, like all, wasn't very structured to begin with, but eventually we all arrived at a strong central theme and a novel suggestion. I would like to mull over that idea more and write a separate blog on it. 

When I began, I was thinking I have have done something unsual by taking this break. But when I saw such geniuses working for the future of this country with such passion, I was assured that the country is in safe hands now - it is only a matter of time when India of our dreams will be a reality. It is surely an eye opener. 

100 days for the aam aadmi

Exciting. Revolutionary. Heroic.

Those are the words that come to my mind today.  Its as if I am not only going to witness, but play a role, however small, in creating history. From today I have decided to dedicate a 100 days for the aam aadmi of this country.

Its not all of a sudden. The fire has been burning for a long time, ignited about 2.5 years back. But yes, on Sunday, December the 8th, the nationalist emotions went through the roof. It's not just me - but many friends who usually keep a safe distance from politics - who on this super Sunday, watched Aam Aadmi Party's leads with the same excitement as we would follow the score in India's World Cup final match.

It is almost clear at this stage that Delhi is going to see a new kind of government in a few days. As all of us watch the events unfold in Delhi, I, sitting here in Mumbai am thinking - if Delhi can create such fireworks, what will happen if this were to happen at the national scale! Gives me goose bumps!

But it won't happen at the national scale. Not in six months time. I needn't even cite the reasons why. But can it happen in my lifetime? Bloody yes, it can! I will make it happen. If Arvind can dream big and make it happen, why can't I? Who is Arvind after all? Is he a super man? No, he is just like me. A common man. Just that this time this common man shed all his fears.

So here I am, beginning the countdown to this exciting journey. Don't know what I will do, who I will meet, where I will go in the next three months. But I am ready to have the best time of my life!

An Ocean Within

If I don't blog on this, I should probably never blog ever.  It is the first time that I have got such an intense, pure and selfless desire to share my experience and insights with everyone.  I think after decades of wandering about in my (mostly happy and yet un-understood) life, I have finally found the way to know the answers to "Life, Universe and Everything"!

No offences meant to the amazingly creative Douglas Adams, but I don't think the answer is 42.  Thank goodness, it was a work of fiction. So we were amused, not depressed at the ultimate moment of anti-climax.

But what I am going to share with you isn't fiction. It's rather diametrically opposite. It's all about the truth. And not some arcane, boring truths about galaxies or world history or geography that may interest a small minority but the truths I am talking about will help everyone, everyday, every moment. They include questions like why there is happiness sometimes and grief at others, and solutions like, how to empower oneself not to be affected by situations like unexpected losses, unfair world, misbehaving people and even physical and mental ailments.  And thereby making the mind so uncluttered, free-thinking and liberated that we inevitably go on to become amazingly more effective at every thing - as professionals, as students, as creatives and in all relationships. And believe me, I am completely honest as I say this.

I recently went to a 10 day meditation camp at Igatpuri about 120 km from Mumbai. It is called "Vipassana" meditation. The reason for my decision was that I could see a stark and sustained positive change in a friend of mine who has been practicing this meditation for years now.  However difficult it might be to put in words, I must and I will describe what exactly Vipassana meditation is and how it helps us. But before I come to that, a word of caution.

Don't imagine Vipassana as a smooth, relaxing, de-stressing experience. It is far from it. While, there is no doubt in my mind that the after-effect will be amazing and long-lasting, I should share how my journey wasn't linear and most likely won't be for you if you decide to give it a try. There will be extreme lows and extreme highs and during the lows you will feel like running away from the camp. But if you remain determined and go past say 5 to 6 days, you will reach a state of mind, which is so calm, alert, energized and happy that you will want to stay on till the end yourself. Following is just an illustrative picture to show how my highs and lows compared to my highs in lows in the last decade.

Now coming to the core topic of what exactly Vipassana is, and what they make us do in these 10-days. Vipassana is an ancient Indian meditation technique dating far back into thousands of years ago. To know more about the institute, its centers all across the world, and history of Vipassana, visit www.dhamma.org

But more importantly what is it all about? What do they teach for these 10-days? Nothing magical, no ritual, no prayer to any God. What they teach is to focus the mind to observe all the sensations within our body. Now you may ask, what has observing bodily sensations got to do with our life's problems? Very natural question indeed.

Why observe bodily sensations? 

Take a step back and think for yourself. What are we trying to find the reason for? Why do we feel pain, grief, disappointment and even depression? Does the reason lie within us or outside us ? Oh, it seems so far fetched that the reason lies completely within us. Naturally it may seem so, because we all know that there are roughly two kinds of situations - under our control and outside our control. With maturity and effort, many of us train our minds to focus our energies on things that are under our control, and "not to worry" about things that we cannot control. But who can claim to have mastered this? Don't we feel guilty and miserable when we fail because of things under our control? And what about the things not in our hands? Don't we  feel  angry, unfairly treated or frustrated? In fact, the feeling may be worsened by the feeling that we can't do anything about it.

Did you notice the use of the word feel over and over again? Now think again, are feelings outside us  or inside us? Does it not mean that the cause of all misery is within us? Ah, interesting thought, you might say. But, on second thoughts, someone might say that feelings are not the cause but the effect. The cause may very well be outside us, no? Well, hold those thoughts for a moment - at least don't you agree that all feelings are within us?

And bodily sensations do generate certain feelings, right? That is why it makes sense to observe sensations closely to understand these feelings and observe how our mind reacts to these feelings. Who knows we might get some clue?  So that's exactly what we did for about 10 days on the trot, 9-10 hrs a day, with breaks in between and proper guidance.

What did I learn from this exercise? 

While observing the sensations, I realized that there are broadly two kinds of sensations - unpleasant and pleasant. But one thing is common between both of them, when you observe long enough, both of them go away. I learnt that all sensations are impermanent. But there is one very interesting thing we were told - try to observe the sensations objectively, i.e. if there is a pleasant sensation don't crave for it and if there is an unpleasant sensation do not be averse to it. Extremely difficult in the beginning, but with enough practice one learns how to do this. They call this state of mind equanimity - observing objectively and attentively, neither craving for pleasure nor being averse to displeasure. As I learnt the art of equanimity, with passing days, I realized another thing - if the mind remains equanimous, all sensations start coming and going at a much faster pace and with a lower intensity than when we are not equanimous. Yes, despite sitting in one posture for over an hour continuously, the tremendous pain in the back, in the legs etc. subsided and disappeared eventually! It would appear somewhere else, but if I remained equanimous it went away and faster!

Slowly, but steadily I reached a state where all the gross sensations - pain, sweat, heat, cold dissolved and I was left with only pleasant subtle sensations all over the body - very difficult to put in words but let me attempt it - it was as if one is sitting below a very thin, slow and consistent stream of water pouring over the head and trickling down the body touching every part of it. Very beautiful and relaxing. But only until, one remains equanimous! If you start craving for this sensation, it will go away and bring back the gross sensations again. This feeling is, as if, the reward for equanimity - and remember that it will go soon after you cease to remain equanimous. Oh it seemed like I was discovering a new law of sensations, it was so insightful! Thankfully, these insights got crystalized later by the meditation teachers which brings me to another very important part of the Vipassana course.

The concept of "Laws of Life" 

Besides these meditation sessions, we also had daily discourses - 1.5 hour lectures in the evenings. Their purpose is to explain the technique, motivate people to follow the technique by explaining why it works, and to clear natural doubts that come in everyone's mind. These sessions were extremely illuminating. The teacher, S.N. Goenka, knows this stuff very very deeply, and also knows what doubts/inhibitions people may have and clarifies them through outstanding examples, many of them extremely funny and entertaining.

In one of these lecture discourses, he told us a very interesting thing. He said, in a well governed country, there are laws that citizens need to abide by. If anyone breaks a law, he will be punished adequately. But there are some problems in such a system - even in the best of the countries. First of all,  it is not guaranteed that you will be caught if you break a law. Secondly, even if you are caught, the judiciary may take years before you are punished. Thirdly, and most interestingly, if you have not broken any law and been a wonderful citizen, there are no rewards for it! He goes on to say that, just like laws of a country, there are also some laws of life. But unlike the laws of a country, the laws of life are extremely fair and efficient. If you break a law, you will be punished adequately. And when? Immediately! Moreover, if you obey a law, you will be rewarded, and that too immediately!

Where are these laws of life written, who published them? Interesting questions, but their answer don't  affect us directly. What matters more is, one, whether we can ourselves observe and learn these laws. And two, whether we can train our minds to obey these laws as much as we can.  And Vipassana gives a big thumping yes to both of these! Let me try to explain what I mean. What I learnt through observing sensations was that if I remain equanimous, unpleasant gross sensations fade away, and pleasant subtle sensations remain all over the body appearing and disappearing so swiftly that we feel extremely pleasant subtle vibrations. That is, if we remain equanimous, we get rid of misery, and get rewarded with happiness, starting immediately. Now who really cares where this law is written? Everyone is free to try it for themselves and if they think this is true, then it is their truth else a falsehood. For me it is true, because I myself observed this over and over and over again. So I don't need anyone's sanction or proof for this law. I just observed it myself. Of course this is not the only law of life, and it will take a lot of time not only to discover them all, but also to to train our mind to obey them all. But I got a taste of one of the laws - and a pretty central one.

So what, how does it help me ?

Ok, what if one agrees that through observing sensations one can discover the law of equanimity. But what has that got to do with problems of our life? And even if it might, how does Vipassana help us in solving those problems? Good questions again. Vipassana helps because by practicing this meditation, one is breaking the behavior pattern of one's mind i.e. our mind has formed an habit of craving for pleasant sensations and being averse to unpleasant ones. Both of these reactions of mind, are reinforcing in nature i.e. because of this habit, our mind multiplies pleasant sensations as well as unpleasant sensations so that we oscillate between extreme highs and extreme lows. And because all sensations are temporary, when extreme highs fade away and normalcy sets in, it feels like a big downer! And worse, our mind is so asymmetric that when extreme lows go away, normalcy does feel better but not really so exciting! And we make all of this even worse, by continuously recollecting past experiences and imagining future actions that multiply craving or aversion further - all the time, just all the time. Net result of all this is dissatisfaction, sadness and misery in the end.

All this is done by our subconscious mind, which is a good news. Subconscious mind does not think. It just follows habits. What we are doing through Vipassana, is breaking the habit of the subconscious mind of craving and aversion and consciously learning to be equanimous. Yes, during Vipassana, our subconscious mind becomes conscious and we are able to change its conditionings through repeated practice.

Ok, great peace during meditation, does it help in real life?

Now when we come out of the meditation into our normal lives, the mind is the same, so it will automatically start acting differently in situations similar to the ones in our past. For e.g., suppose after enough Vipassana practice, you meet somebody who you "know" is a jerk and always pretends to be nice, but is a back-stabber. Mind will bring negative thoughts the moment you see him. Earlier, before Vipassana, you might have started the chain "Oh, this man, last time he met me, he duped me big-time, I hate this guy. If he was not my colleague, I would punch him in the nose." But after Vipassana, you will first notice these negative sensations consciously before your mind starts this reinforcing chain of thoughts. So, you will remember to remain equanimous. Once you successfully remain equanimous - even to some degree, your mind becomes calmer, sharper, subtler. So you may automatically start noticing, "Oh, he is carrying back my mobile phone I left at his desk, so nice of him to return it. Oh and he seems to want to help me from his facial expression. Let me at least try to find out what it is." So your reward? you were saved from unnecessarily adding to your own quota of negative feelings, and you are open to opportunities thereby enhancing the possibilities of increasing your quota of happiness.

What has changed since Vipassana?

It has been two weeks since I am back from the Vipassana course. I can feel the positive changes already in various walks of life. At my work, I am able to focus for longer and deeper which has already lead me to think through certain things, that I might not have before Vipassana. Besides, increasing personal efficiency, it is also helping me become a lot more caring about the people around me. Most importantly, I have understood that no one else but I am responsible for my misery, so I automatically stop hating/thinking bad about others. And if I do notice someone making a mistake, I feel like helping him/her for their own sake, not for removing my miseries.

Well, it's not as if I have suddenly transformed into an enlightened being. I am still 99 % the same as before but at least this 1% positive change has begun and is already so noticeable and empowering. This so makes me look forward to the times to come!

शायद भारत जागा है

वो कहते हैं, कुछ हुअा नहीं, कुछ बना नहीं, कुछ मिटा नहीं।

सौ साल पुरानी अादत से, एक कागज़ बिलकुल बड़ा नहीं।

इस काली भारी धरती को, क्या टाँगे पतला धागा है?

पर जाने कयूँ ये लगता है, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

पहले भी अाँधी अाई है, पहले भी तू्फाँ अाया है।

किसे याद रहा, क्या हुअा कहीं? किस ओर उजाला छाया है?

एक अरब जगाने को मूरख, क्या खेल समझ तू भागा है?

ना जाने फिर क्यूँ लगता है, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

वो कहते हैं कोई और नहीं हम में ही रावण रहता है।

कैसे ये फिर तू सोच रहा, कानून के काबू अाएगा?

हर रावण में मुझे लगता है, कहीं राम भी बस कर रहता है।

वो उसके काबू अाया था, वो उसी के काबू अाएगा।

चल कदम बढ़ा, कुछ ज़ोर लागा, अभी अौर बहुत कुछ बाकी है।

अब "चलता है" को जाने दे, "कुछ हुअा नहीं" को ताने दे।

अरे मान अगर कुछ ना बदला, तू खुद को बदल के देख ज़रा।

न गवा हाथ से ये मौका, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

माना ये रस्ता लंबा है, माना ये पूरा तोड़ नही।

पर क्यूँ ना अब कुछ अलग करें, अब क्यूँ ना हम विष्वास करें।

कया पता कि ये इतिहास कहीं, कोई अाज बदलने वाला है।

हो सकता है, जो दिल कहता, कि शायद भारत जागा है।

शायद भारत जागा है... हँा शायद भारत जागा है।

A not so usual day at work…

Shit happens! And sometimes it does despite you having taken every care that it doesn’t. Today was one such day.

Well, it’s a long story, but promise me that you’ll read it till the end and I promise you that you will not regret being patient.

When was the last time you thought Lord Murphy was hard at work and focusing entirely on you for want of other beings? I am sure not today, as today was reserved for me exclusively. Well, on second thoughts, not just today but about last 2 weeks since this thing all began.

My office has a number of frequent travelers including yours truly. But this time it wasn’t me. Two of my colleagues had traveled to Hong Kong and New York respectively in last month. Usually, to book the flights and hotels, each of us has an Amex corporate credit card, which is of course paid for by the company when its billing cycle requires. But unfortunately, both of them did not have a valid corporate card for some reason. In such a case, they had no choice but to ask one of the colleagues to use their corporate card. Incidentally, both of them had asked me, and I had given them the consent.

Ownership – I am sure you have heard this one if you have spent a reasonable time working for a corporate. A few months ago, “lack of ownership” was the management’s conclusion for the reason people did not submit their credit card expense invoices on time. It’s simple – it’s the company that is going to clear the credit card bills, and if the payment gets delayed the company will bear the late payment charges. But the company needed to depend on us, the travelers, to submit hotel invoices and air tickets on time, so that they could do proper accounting before making the payment. Despite reminders, some employees would slip the deadlines, costing company the unnecessary late payment charges. So, a new policy was put in place. If any employee delays the submission of invoices, the consequent late payment charges will be borne by the employee. Fair enough, a pragmatic deterrent for employees to not miss deadlines, and, not to forget, a great way of imbibing ownership amongst the employees.

Knowing myself, and the fact that my forgetful mind refuses to get deterred even by such monetary disincentives, I was careful from the beginning. I had tactfully scheduled a reminder well before the due date to submit the invoices. When the alarm rang, I immediately wrote to the two colleagues to send their hotel and travel invoices to me asap, so that I could raise the claim. So they did, and so I did. This was about two weeks ago.

As the process goes, once the claim is raised it goes to the manager for approval. Incidentally, my manager was traveling and I didn’t get a chance to remind him to approve the claim in person. So I wrote to him in a mail. I was 5 days within the company’s deadline of submitting the invoices. And 11 days from actual credit card due date. So far so good.

Just to remind you, submitting bills etc is not really my full time job and that I am usually fully occupied with other head-aches of my regular job which I find far more interesting nonetheless. So, I lost track of the credit card stuff for a week, until I got a mail from “Accounts Payables” team. These mails from such generic groups never smell of any human being. It sounded like a usual automated mail acknowledging the receipt of all the bills I had submitted, before I noticed one line that said “please provide the approval from your manager”. Oops, I thought, and looked at the calendar in the same breath. I was still 4 days away from actual due date of the credit card. Since the manager was still traveling, I contacted him on email again explaining why his approval is necessary. He replied this time, asking me questions about what are the bills for etc. Though I had explained these things earlier as well, I thought repeating them wouldn’t harm. So I did. Having not heard back from him with more questions, I assumed he would approve immediately.

Swamped with work, again I lost track of this stupid bills thing when 4 days passed and the due date arrived. Somehow I looked at the date, and thought that I should check if claim is approved after all. And to my surprise, it was not! And to no one’s surprise, the manager was still traveling. So I had no choice but to email him again! This time, a pleading one. He replied back in a phone call this time. “Hey, can you send me that link which I can click to approve?” I was annoyed. But I did send immediately. Phew, he approved immediately! Ok, I thought, I have just a few hours to go, let me catch the “Accounts Payables” team again. I sent them the approval, with an urgent request to process the claim immediately.

But like most emails to these “inhuman” groups, it went into a black-hole. I got frustrated, and tried to trace who actually works in that group and after multiple failed attempts I got to talk to one lady who seemed to belong to that group. She said “Why don’t you mail Accounts Payables team, that should solve your problem”. I thought “Listen lady, I wanted to speak with a human being, and I really thought you were one, my bad.” But then swallowed my thoughts.

Two more days passed. Now it was 2 days beyond the due date. But hey, the in-humans replied “Your claim has been processed and will be credited to Amex in 1-2 business days”. I was annoyed. I blurted out to them, “This is not acceptable, Why couldn’t you make payment 2 days ago when the approval came. Now this is bound to attract late payment charges.” Of course, such utterances only go into a black-hole.

I was really getting anxious. I wrote to the Admin team “What is the policy if an employee submits all the bills on time. But the manager does not approve the claim despite multiple follow ups?” Back came the answer “Employee gets two weeks to raise a claim and get it approved. If not approved, employee bears the charges.” I went furious, “I cannot accept this. I have been nice to two of my colleagues by offering my credit card to them. I followed up with them, submitted the claim well before the deadline. I followed up with my manager. Multiple times. Now if he forgets to approve, why am I being made to bear the late payment charges?” Guess what. Black-hole.

I decided to approach senior management. I was fuming with anger. But I thought I should calm down a bit. And maybe, talk to the credit card company directly first? Yes, that cannot harm, who knows they might have received the payment by now, and might tell me what the fine exactly is.

So I dialed the toll free number of Amex.

A customer service executive picked up.

“Hello Sir, I am Amit, may I know your good name please?”

His voice was more pleasant than a typical agent.

“Hi Amit, this is Siddharth. I have called you to know whether you have received the payment for this month.”

“Sure Sir, I will help you with that. May I know where you are calling from”, he said.

“I am calling from Deutsche Bank, Mumbai”

“Oh ok. Since you said Mumbai, I must ask you if you are safe and sound Sir”. He asked, unexpectedly referring to the terror attack that shocked Mumbai the previous night.

“Yes, I am fine, thank you for your concern.” I replied, feeling a bit relaxed by now.

“No problems Sir. The whole nation is concerned about Mumbai, and American Express are always there for support in whatever way possible”. He continued. “Sir, I have checked your account and I’m afraid we have not received your payment”.

Sad again, I said, “That was expected. Actually, I have been caught up in this hassle for no fault of mine. Our company policy… blah blah”. I told him the full story. “I guess I will need to pay the late payment charges.” sounding dejected.

“No worries Sir, I understand. As per Amex rules, you do need to pay the late payment charges. But considering that you have been a great customer for last three years, I would like to do something for you. We can waive off your penalty, but there are two conditions for that”

“What are they?” I asked.

“First is that, your payment must reach us latest by 1 week.” He said.

“Sure, they have told me 1-2 business days, so a week is more than enough.” I was getting relieved.

“Second condition is that, you have to say that you love American Express.”

I started to laugh. “I love American Express. And I can say that ten times!”

“Thank you Sir, I just wanted the smile back on your face. Amit from Amex is always at your service.”

“Thanks Amit, you made my day!”.

I wish I meet an Amit every time I call a customer care. I wish all companies realize how much difference good pleasant service can make. That's really "ownership" in my opinion.

Phew!